I Don’t Have Phone Anxiety, I Just Don’t Want to Talk to You

Same, Cat. Same.

Getty Images

I don’t mean not at all, just not…that way. 

I joke about hating phone calls, but that really is a firm boundary for me. And I fully expect anybody who cares about me to respect it. In a world in which text messaging, instant messaging, and email exist, there are very few times when a phone call should be the move.

To be clear, I’m not averse to talking on the phone for a lot of the reasons that introverts or neurodivergents typically give. I’m not missing the body language or visual cues. I’m not awkward or stilted. In fact, a smooth 40% of my job is incoming calls and my customer service is exemplary. 

Phone calls don’t make me nervous, they just get on my nerves.

With text messages, I can answer when I feel like it and go on about my life as I carry on a conversation. But phone calls? They’re intrusive by nature and require much more of my energy than I’m willing to expend on them at any given time. A ringing phone demands attention now, to hell with whatever you were doing. 

And then there's the conversation itself, which calls for one’s full attention. Listen: I got ADHD, I’m always multitasking, and ain’t nobody got the attention span for that. Actively listening to somebody on the other end can be just as exhausting as talking.

On my personal time, my phone is always on vibrate or I can just turn on “Do Not Disturb” when I really don’t want to be bothered.

At work, not so much. 

Throughout the day, I'm regularly interrupted by calls from customers. It’s always annoying, and it can actually be infuriating at times. Never mind that there is not a single ringer setting that doesn’t dropkick me right in my amygdala. 

No, I’m not completely against phone calls. I do genuinely enjoy talking to my mom and grandma, and I always answer for them. Please note that this in no small part because my mother will assume that I’ve been murdered if I don’t. Before I cut ties with my dad, we would talk on the phone several times a week, sometimes for hours at a time. However, 99.99% of people simply do not fall into that category. 

With that said, not incurring the wrath of a she-wolf with very specific communication requirements is quite simple. Just remember the following:

1. If it can be a text or email, don’t make it a call. Ever.

2. Unless it’s an emergency, don’t call me back to back. I know you called,  and I didn’t answer for a reason. I’ll get back to you when I have the time/energy to do so. 

3. If I initiate the conversation with a text, DO NOT CALL ME. Because I’m not answering. In fact, I will watch it ring, then proceed to continue texting like a person who understands social cues. 

4. Don’t ever send me a cryptic text or message that says “Call me.” Never in life will I do that. You need to tell me what you want first, because I’m not getting cornered into a conversation.  

5.  I’m far less irritated by phone calls that have a specific purpose. Don’t ever call me just to chat, because that is an actual act of violence as far as I’m concerned.  If you wanna fight, just SAY THAT. I won't be listening anyway, because I'll be looking for a way out and/or plotting the very unfortunate accident you’ll soon be having.

6.  If it is one of the rare situations in which a call makes more sense…*grits teeth*...go ahead. But please, PLEASE just get to the point.

If all else fails: the best time to call me is SEND A DAMN TEXT.