Welcome to the Fascist State of Florida, Part I
A semi-humorous exploration of the many sins of Ron DeSantis and Florida Republicans
COVID-19 and Culture Wars
Ron DeSantis, sentient deck shoe and 46th Governor of Florida.
He is pictured here presumably watching a blind rescue puppy drown.
Photo: Getty Images (filter added by me)
On the 11th day of January, in the Year of Our Lord Janelle Monáe 2022, Ronald Dion DeSantis stood before the Florida Legislature (with a straight face) and said:
“Together we have made Florida the freest state in these United States.
While so many around the country have consigned the people’s rights to the graveyard, Florida has stood as freedom’s vanguard.
In Florida, we have protected the right of our citizens to earn a living, provided our businesses with the ability to prosper, fought back against unconstitutional federal mandates and ensured our kids have the opportunity to thrive.
Florida has become the escape hatch for those chafing under authoritarian, arbitrary and seemingly never-ending mandates and restrictions.”
Nigga…WHAT?!
When DeSantis—who somehow has the face of both a constipated snake oil salesman and every frat boy who got away with it on a technicality—says “freedom,” the first thing that comes to mind is:
Speaking of loose definitions: Of course I don’t mean “fascist” literally.
DeSantis is a long-time Trump acolyte who, in 2018, released a not-at-all-concerning gubernatorial campaign ad featuring him indoctrinating his young children into Cult 45. But he’s obviously no Mussolini, and would-be opponent Nikki Fried (who is Jewish) comparing him to Hitler was…unfortunate. However, DeSantis is—along with Florida Republicans—irrefutable evidence of the authoritarianism and recklessness that is increasingly defining the party as a whole.
“It’s no worse than the flu…”
Consider his administration’s response (or lack thereof) to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, which has been abysmal in a way that could only be intentional. Not only have his policies not helped, they have actively done harm.
Throughout the pandemic, DeSantis publicly railed against increased preventative measures, repeatedly resisting mask and vaccine mandates, while promoting the more experimental monoclonal antibody treatment over vaccines, and ignoring the general consensus of doctors and scientists. This all occurred as the coronavirus ripped through Florida like a late August hurricane.
So do vaccines, Ron.
Photo: Getty Images
When he did promote vaccination, it was selective.
In February of 2021, he arranged for 3,000 vaccines to be delivered to sites in wealthy Manatee County neighborhoods, then made a thinly-veiled threat to those who criticized his rollout methods: “If Manatee County doesn’t like us doing this, we are totally fine with putting this in counties that want it.”
In May of 2021, DeSantis signed a law prohibiting businesses, schools, cruise ships, and government buildings from requiring proof of vaccination. This was the first of several egregiously stupid pieces of legislation that the governor signed in rapid succession.
Two months later, he banned Florida cities from collecting fines for mask mandate violations. He then signed an executive order banning mask mandates in public schools, at a time when the state was experiencing a record surge in cases, including among school-age children. In what is surely a completely unrelated coincidence, Florida recorded the nation’s highest number of hospitalizations due to COVID-19 per capita in August, the following month.
Twelve school districts implemented mask mandates anyway, and eight (Alachua, Brevard, Broward, Duval, Leon, Miami-Dade, Orange, and Palm Beach) faced swift repercussions.
Second Circuit Judge John Cooper overruled DeSantis’s order, but the Department of Health countered with an emergency order allowing parents to opt out of the mandates. Administrative law judge Brian Newman (appointed by DeSantis) would rule in September that the DOH order must be upheld.
The Florida Board of Education went on to sanction the eight counties by withholding an amount of funding equal to the monthly salary of their school board members. In other words, they were punished for actually doing their jobs and protecting children.
In October, the U.S. Department of Education began reimbursing those school districts with funds from Project SAFE.
UPDATE: On June 2, 2022, DeSantis (a lawyer who understands legal procedure when he wants to) backed off of the sanctions included in the state budget and directed new Education Commissioner Manny Diaz to ignore the legislature’s plan to withhold $200 million
In September of 2021, DeSantis fast-tracked the appointment of Joseph Ladapo to Surgeon General of Florida, further fortifying his echo chamber. Ladapo, a Nigerian-born graduate of Harvard Medical School, gives Ben Carson Energy. He is an accomplished physician, specializing in cardiovascular medicine. However, he also spreads COVID-19 misinformation, including questioning the safety of vaccines, downplaying the benefits of masks, and promoting hydroxychloroquine as a cure. Ladapo has also associated with America’s Frontline Doctors, a far-right political organization opposed to measures intended to control the COVID-19 pandemic.
Florida Surgeon General and MILK DUD HEAD ASS BOY, Joseph Ladapo
One of Ladapo’s first acts in office was to repeal quarantine periods for schoolchildren who had been exposed to COVID-19. Ironically, the Ph.D. he received from Harvard is in health policy, i.e. the "decisions, plans, and actions that are undertaken to achieve specific healthcare goals within a society."
*Slowly turns toward the camera*
For context, per the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the Florida Department of Health, Florida has logged approximately 7,226,875 cases and 83,100 deaths from COVID-19 as of December 6th, 2022.
‘Woke’ is a four-letter word
Another trademark of the DeSantis administration is the enthusiastic engagement in (or fabrication of, for that matter) culture wars. This is especially true in regards to identity issues like race, gender, sex, and sexual orientation.
Even though “America’s Governor” beat challenger Charlie Crist by almost 20 percentage points, DeSantis likely has his eye on the White House, despite his reluctance to comment on the matter.
To get there, he is racing governors like Greg Abbott of Texas and Mississippi’s Tate Reeves to the far-right hinterland. Think of it as a sort of deranged Republican version of Mario Kart, where instead of turtle shells and banana peels, the drivers one-up each other with increasingly oppressive legislation.
DeSantis, on his way to ruin your life.
In 2021, SB 1028 proposed to ban trans female athletes all the way up to the college level from competing in school sports consistent with their gender identity. Though the science is inconclusive, hormone replacement therapy has been shown to not eliminate, but significantly narrow performance gaps between transgender and cisgender athletes. The topic requires a deeper dive than this piece allows, but one such study can be found here.
Overall, there is no evidence showing that trans women have an automatic unfair advantage in sports. Testosterone alone cannot be overemphasized as an indicator of sex or performance, as women who are not transgender can also have significantly elevated levels of the androgen. For example, many women who suffer from polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), naturally have excessive amounts of testosterone.
Having levels higher than arbitrary, often-changing thresholds has kept South African runner and Olympic gold medalist Caster Semenya from competing in her favorite event, the 800 metres, since 2019. Semenya, who is intersex, was assigned female at birth (AFAB) and identifies as a woman. She refuses to take drugs in order to lower her natural hormone levels. As she should, because fuck that.
In addition, Semenya had to undergo humiliating and invasive gender verification testing earlier in her career.
Meanwhile, swimmer Michael Phelp’s huge feet, long arms, and superhuman lung capacity also made him a world champion, yet there has been little outrage about his “unfair” (and completely natural) advantage. The racist and sexist implications cannot be ignored.
Semenya’s case is currently under appeal in the European Court of Human Rights.
Caster Semenya
Photo: Getty Images
It should also be noted that the International Olympic Committee has allowed transgender competitors since 2004. Interestingly, it wasn’t until the delayed Tokyo Games in 2021 that weightlifter Laurel Hubbard became the first transgender athlete to compete. She did not medal or complete her lifts. This poses the question: If trans women are dominating women’s sports, why did it take 17 years for a trans athlete to even qualify for the Games?
To add (probably deliberate) insult to injury, DeSantis signed SB 1028 into law on the first day of June, which is Pride Month.
As surgeon general, Ladapo is also head of the Department of Health. On April 20, 2022, he issued guidance in opposition to gender-affirming care for minors. This goes against the recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, the Endocrine Society, and federal guidelines. The same day, the Agency for Health Care Administration (AHCA) released a report which denied Medicaid coverage for things like hormone therapy and surgeries related to transitioning.
In early November, the Florida Board of Medicine voted to ban gender-affirming care for individuals under 18, a decision which was justified by outright misrepresenting research on the issue. Though the ban does not apply to those already receiving care, it’s part of a perfect storm which sets the stage for DeSantis and conservatives to block fundamental care for transgender people, regardless of age.
“They’re okay with sexualizing kids in kindergarten…”
In 2022, Republicans targeted the LGBTQ+ community yet again by introducing HB 1557, widely maligned as the “Don’t Say Gay” bill. Formally titled “Parental Rights in Education,” it sought to ban instruction on gender identity and sexual orientation in kindergarten through third grade. The ban also extended to higher grades, if not deemed age-appropriate. There are no guidelines provided as to what qualifies as “instruction” or “age-appropriate.” HB 1557 also allows parents to sue school districts that they feel are in violation.
The national response was explosive.
Democratic lawmakers, the queer community, and civil rights activists pushed back, and Florida students staged several mass walkouts. Protests and rallies were held, letters were written, and opponents of the bill spoke passionately on the floor, but nobody forgot where we live.
As long as Republicans control the legislature, they’ll keep crowbarring these bills into law. And the more they know they can get away with, the worse it will get.
An actual picture of an HB 1557 proponent.
HB 1557’s deliberately broad, vague language gives supporters false plausible deniability while also accomplishing the desired effect:
The paragraph in question can (and in goddamn Florida will) be interpreted to effectively ban even mentioning LGBTQ+ issues in Florida classrooms
Screenshot taken from flsenate.gov
Republican lawmakers claim HB 1557 won’t forbid “spontaneous discussions,” which is about as believable as anything that comes out of a politician’s mouth. Pieces of legislation are deliberately crafted, and what bills don’t say is often more important than what they do say.
How many teachers will risk facing legal action for violating a deliberately unclear law? Suddenly, something as benign as answering a student’s innocent question about a family photo on the teacher’s desk is a punishable offense.
Ron DeSantis characterizes merely acknowledging that queer people exist as the “indoctrination” and “sexualization” of children, repeating antiquated anti-gay rhetoric that has historically sought to tie queer and trans people to pedophilia and the alleged “recruitment” of children.
Christina Pushaw is DeSantis’s clearly-unhinged former press secretary, who most recently served as rapid response director for his re-election campaign. In March of 2022, she tweeted:
“Grooming” is the new “socialism.” I hate when conservatives learn new words.
Purity balls, where fathers pledge to protect their daughters’ virginity: not weird and pseudo-incestuous at all.
Asking a five-year-old if she has a boyfriend, and years later, threatening that same boy with a shotgun for taking her to a movie: acceptable.
But let’s not talk about the gays around kids.
Supporters of HB 1557 also claim that young children shouldn’t be learning about sex at all, but if Republicans wanted the law to address sex education as a whole, (even though it isn’t even taught in grades K-3) they had every opportunity to make that explicitly clear. In fact, one of their own, Senator Jeff Brandes (R-District 24) proposed an amendment that would expand the bill to do just that.
It failed.
“Protecting the children” is nothing more than a dog whistle to homophobes.
Erasure is the goal here.
Disney Debacle
Despite public pressure, Walt Disney Corporation, (which is Florida’s biggest political power) initially declined to take a public stance against the bill, instead pledging to “stand with” its LGBTQ+ employees. A month before, the Orlando Sentinel revealed that the company had donated to all of HB 1557’s sponsors and co-sponsors.
In response to the company’s sidestep, employees staged a digital protest on March 16, followed by a day-long walkout on March 22nd. That day, Disney finally denounced HB 1557 and vowed to “work to repeal it.” The company also paused all political contributions.
In typically autocratic fashion, DeSantis and the Republicans quickly retaliated. Two bills, SB 4-C and HB 3-C, were filed on April 21st, without advance notice. Only one public speaker was present at the sole House Committee hearing. DeSantis then made a last-minute change to add them to April’s special legislative session. He signed the bills into law, despite the fact that Disney contributed $100,000 to his own political campaigns, which he interestingly has not returned.
Run them coins back, Ron.
“Honestly, Ron, we can do whatever. It’s on sight.”
Photo: Getty Images
The bills dismantle the Reedy Creek Improvement District, a 38-mile special district that Disney has reserved the right to self-govern since 1967.
The company’s roughly $1 billion in bond debt could then become the responsibility of taxpayers in Orange and Osceola Counties, making this a very expensive Republican temper tantrum. DeSantis rejected the idea, claiming that he “has it taken care of” with all the honesty of a guy trying to convince you that you don’t need to use a condom because he’s “clean.” Despite his insistence, the governor has yet to reveal a plan to address the issue.
“We don’t need no education…”
HB 1467 was also passed in March, making it easier for parents to challenge and possibly ban books and other instructional material in schools. Considering that we live in a red state that finally stopped pretending to be purple, the implications of what Florida parents may find “objectionable” are troubling. These are the same people equating masks to muzzles and oppression at school board meetings.
HB 7, the final form of DeSantis’s brainchild the “Stop WOKE Act,” restricts honest discussion about race in schools and workplaces. This extends to any conversation that makes a particular group (i.e. the whites) feel discomfort or guilt about the topic at hand.
In the last several years, the term woke, long used by Black people to denote awareness of the system of white supremacy under which we live, has been hijacked by that very same system. The right has attempted to rebrand wokeness as pejorative, which is anti-intellectual, anti-progressive, and right on brand for Republicans.
HB7 comes after the Florida Board of Education banned critical race theory (CRT) in Florida schools, which DeSantis has often publicly disparaged. CRT is a college-level academic concept that was never being taught in K-12 classrooms in the first place, but the right loves to manufacture problems to bait its cave-dwelling, backward-looking voter base.
In short, critical race theory examines how American racism is thoroughly embedded in the legal system, social systems, and how it has shaped public policy. This is verifiably true, but according to DeSantis, acknowledging reality “teaches our children to hate each other.”
While I believe he is being deliberately disingenuous, so many of CRT’s detractors have shown that they have no idea what CRT is. They just know Tucker Carlson doesn’t like it and neither do they.
For somebody who reduces abortion to killing babies, Carlson looks like a man who thinks that infants are delicious.
Photo: Google
The last thing that the right wants is a critical-thinking populace, which is why they constantly attack education. They aim to stay in power by controlling the narrative, starting with whitewashing and outright omitting large parts of America’s blood-drenched, racist history. Juneteenth is a federal holiday now, but they don’t want us to learn or talk about the back story.
I use culture war somewhat flippantly, but that is absolutely what this is. It’s not enough to hate marginalized groups, they must legislate that hate. The right is waging an ongoing and escalating war on anything and anybody that threatens the sacred hegemony. And as long as they control institutions like the courts and the cops, it’s a war in which they have the high ground.
